If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
