that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
