Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
