He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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