She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
