Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
