I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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