I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
