You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize