is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
