her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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