im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
