I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to make a zoo with you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
