An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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