My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize