My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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