and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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