if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize