I showed him my bush... on skype.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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