Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
