How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
