Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
