shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
