THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i drank out of a bidet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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