No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
