What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
