u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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