white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
vagina is talking i cant
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
