Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
