so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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