Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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