At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
