Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
