I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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