today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
