I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
