what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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