1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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