she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
