The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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