Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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