your room smells of hookers.
And success
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
