Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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