he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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