You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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