I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
