woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
