I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
