afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
