I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
