a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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