My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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