I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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