I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize