I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
