i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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