i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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