the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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