No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
