He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
