Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
