I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
