Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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