the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize