When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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