I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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